Jan 1988: 0-5 start

I wrestled in the Drake Open tourney today at 126 and lost 3 straight. I got the first takedowns on Dan Lovelace from Missouri and Tom Brands. I lost a bunch of takedowns, though. I ended up getting pinned by Lovelace. I was up 5-0 on Brands at the end of the first period (TD and 3 back points), and he still beat me 12-5. I've gotta find fifth gear.

I'm in Montreal. I wrestled at 125.5 and lost 2 in a row today: pinned By Orlando Caceras (4th in '84 Olympics) and lost 13-8 to some guy from Canada. I'm now 4-11 with the Hawkeye Club, 0-5 for 1988. It's humiliating.

Barry said to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I'm not sure I can stop. Is it possible for me to enjoy wrestling while I'm so sub-par? I feel like if I were to relax now it would be akin to accepting defeat, accepting my low place on the totem pole.

Frustration. You think that doesn't piss me off? Busting my ass for 4 months in Iowa, getting my ass kicked every day, only to start off '88 by getting pinned twice in my first 5 matches? It does. It pisses me off.

I'm home in bed. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like sleeping. I don't feel like writing. I don't feel like reading. I certainly don't feel like wrestling.

The NCAA team beat Iowa State today, 22-15. We got lucky. Brooks Simpson (190 pounder) pinned Voelker, then Sidlinger pinned Cole. I think we can win NCAAs, but we'll have to wrestle better than we did today.

I have a date next week with a girl named Julie. She's 22. (I told her I'm 23.) She's a grad student. She has cute blue eyes and a sweet face. She reminds me of Priscilla Presley. I guess that makes me Elvis.

I went out with Julie last night. When I first showed up at her dorm room she confessed that she's only 19. Then I had to confess that I'm 25. But she has such a cute voice, such a cute face. She's so sweet. She wants to be a nurse. She is much too sweet to go out with a cynical, narcissistic 25-year-old like me. But I will not tell her that. Why? Because that's what narcissism is.

I'm taking a class this semester and also applying to grad school in the Writer's Workshop. If I don't get in I may try something else.

I hope my $80 mat-mopping check comes this week. I've got less than $60 in the bank right now. Rent is due in a week.

Charlie Sherertz quit the team and moved out of the Heff House. Word is he's transferring to Missouri.

I wrestled well against Martin yesterday. Gable was noticing. If I just come straight in on him and go for the underhooks exactly like he does I can sometimes open something up. I was also countering his stuff a lot better yesterday. There's hope.

I talked to Julie tonight. She's coming over to the house tomorrow between classes. We're going to watch soap operas. She suggested it.

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